SURE SIGNS OF AGING

You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
You burn the midnight oil after 9 p.m.
The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
The gleam in our eyes is from the sun striking your bifocals.
You feel like the night after and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
You become winded playing chess.
Your children begin to look middle aged.
You join a health club and don't attend.
You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
Your mind make contracts your body can't meet.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
You regret all those mistakes, resisting temptation.
You are 17 around the neck and 42 around the waist.
You're 42 around the waist and 96 around the golf course.
You stop looking forward to your birthday.
Long distant dialing wears you out.
Your back goes out more than you do.
A fortune teller offers to read your face.
You turn off the light for economy rather than romance.
You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.
You are addressed as "Old Timer: for the first time.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they remain there.
You get your exercise acting as pallbearer for your friends who exercised.
You have too much room in the house and too little in the medicine cabinet.
The best time of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
Old age is when a person notices that his shoe lace is untied and asks himself: Is there anything else I can do when I'm down there.
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Somebody said, "Frequent naps will help you keep from getting old, especially if you take them while driving."

Author Unknown


Wisdom From Senior Citizens

1. I started with nothing. I still have most of it.
2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?
3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
5. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
9. The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
10. I tried to get a life once, but they told me they were out of stock.
11. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway though.
12. It was so different before everything changed.
13. Some day's you're the dog, and some day's you're the hydrant.
14. Nostalgia isn't what it use to be.
15. Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
16. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
17. I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.
18. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
19. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
20. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
21. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a trip around the sun.
22. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
23. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
24. Never knock on death's door, ring the bell and run (he hates that).
25. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
26. When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play
chess.
27. If you are living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seatbelt.
28. There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.
29. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
30. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
31. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
32. Its not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
33. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
34. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Author Unknown

Have a young and vibrant day.