TO ALL MY READERS

I haven't been blogging alot lately as I am not in a good state. The anniversary of my husbands death is looming on the horizon and I guess it is affecting me more than I thought it would. I have been a bit of a basket case lately. I am sorry to all of you who eagerly look to my blog for information or wonder what I have been up to.

Since my big trip to the city I haven't been doing much of anything. My daughter was away for two weeks and she is back now and that is good. I got to play with my grandson and that really made my day. When he is around I am happy.

But tonight I had a really hard time. I went over to visit my daughter as I really needed a good hug and she wasn't there. Then I came home and phoned my other daughter but she wasn't there either. I felt so very lost and alone. I wanted to call my friend Tilly but she has been through so much already and I felt I just couldn't unburden myself on her at this time. I ended up calling my mom.

Aren't moms the greatest? What would we do without them?

She listened and prayed for me on the phone and I felt alot better. I know God is with me and taking care of me. I guess this is something everyone goes through.

It is the anniversary of his death and it is weighing heavy on my soul. It seems I miss him now more than ever. I am so glad my friend Tilly is coming to spend some time with me next week. It will make the time better and help me to get over this.

The thoughts of living alone for the rest of my life scares me to pieces. I know I like living alone but thinking about it - is different for some reason right now. No one to share my feelings with. No one to share what I am thinking. Etc. I will not bore you with all the details, I am sure you can imagine them yourselves.

I will go on. I must. But I am not the strong person everyone thinks that I am. I am a weak feeble woman who needs a helping hand every once in awhile. I know that sounds lame but that is how I feel right now. Everyone seems to look to me for stenght but it seems I have run out of strength right now. I can't seem to do the simplest things. Even housework seems to overwhelm me. I guess this is all part of the grieving process and I haven't really shared alot of that with any of you. Well, now, I think I must.

I will be o.k. I know this will pass. Jesus has helped me thus far and has not brought me thus far to abandon me. I ask your prayers for this time in my life. I really feel so alone and lost and confused about my future. Thank you to all who pray.

I ask forgiveness for such a morose blog. That is how I am feeling right now so I thought I would share it. I love you all. God Bless and keep you in His gentle care.

THE BIG TRIP

Tues, May 2nd I left for the "BIG CITY" (Winnipeg). I was terrified. Really, as I haven’t driven that far before. I decided to go by way of the "Little City" first (Selkirk) as I had driven there a few times already. I was pleasantly surprised upon passing the little city (Selkirk) as there was 4 lane traffic and the speed limit was only 80 Kil. All the way. Just perfect for a first time driver. I chose a good time to leave as there was not a lot of traffic on the roads and I had them mainly to myself. All the way though, I could not shake off this day dreamy feeling I had in myself and in my eyes. It was so weird. It took me to the next morning to finally get back to normal. Sort of like jet lag or something. My son-in-law says maybe I was in shock the whole way. Anyway, I think Jesus did most of the driving for me.

I arrived at Sharleen’s about 2:00 in the afternoon (I had left about 12:30) Got to see my cute little grandson Tyler. He is such a doll. That evening Sharleen took me grocery shopping. Then we spent the evening talking and watching t.v. The next day we dropped in and visited my sister Darleen and then went to a swimming lesson. Tyler just LOVES swimming. He is so cute in the water and loves to splash. When they were ready to get out of the pool, grandma went to help by taking Tyler, and wouldn’t you know it, she dropped him on his head on the cement. I felt so awful. Everyone looking at this mean old grandma dropping her grandchild. Bad Grandma, bad grandma.










That evening we went to the St. Vital center. I had to get some ink cartridges refilled and while we waited we walked and walked and walked. I was so pooped out. I am not used to all that walking. From there we went across the street to the huge Dollar store and did lots more walking and walking and walking. I was so tired that evening. Can’t believe how out of shape I am. Must get busy walking a lot more so when I visit the city I am not so worn out.

Next day - Thursday, we went out again. This time to Value Village. I bought a few toys for the boys, a winter coat for myself and a couple of tops. From there we went to Staples where I quickly picked up some envelopes and then we went back to Shar’s. Stayed home to watch Survivor that evening.

Friday afternoon about 1:00 I left Sharleen’s and went to my mom and dads place. That evening their street was having a street wide garage sale so I went sailing. Ended up getting a car seat so I can drive my grandkids around, a high chair, and also a number of other toys for them. In the evening we went over to visit my sister Bonnie and her husband. While we were there, out of the blue, a vase dropped on Bonnie’s head from a shelf behind her. Nearly knocked her out. She is in a neck brace for the next two months because of the operation on her back and did not need that happening to her. Jerry was so upset and I don’t blame him. He was blaming himself but it wasn’t his fault. She is o.k. now but has a little bump on her head.

Saturday, mom had a tea to go to so I went over to visit my sister Gloria whom I haven’t seen in ages. On the way there I stopped over at the Good Will store and of course bought a few more toys for the boys. Had a good visit with Gloria and got to see her daughter while I was there and her husband for a short time. When I got back to mom and dad’s my sister Betty was over there and my niece Maddy. Visited with them all afternoon and then Bonnie and her husband Jerry dropped in and then my sister Kathy also dropped in. So I got to see all my sisters and parents while I was in the city.

Sunday was a fairly quiet day. It started out being so nice and sunny and warm. In the afternoon there was such a rain downfall we thought there might be a flash flood. Thunder was rolling steady and there was even hail. Other parts of the city didn’t even get a drop.

Monday morning I was up early and packed up the car. Around 11:00 I left to go have lunch with my best friend Tilly. I hadn’t seen her in quite a few months. It was so nice seeing her again. From there I left and stopped off at "The Brick". I had a $50.00 gift certificate and wanted to use it before the time ran out. I bought a couple of fancy candle holders and had to pay an extra $20.00 for them but they are really nice and will go well with my decor.









From there I left for home taking the same route back. Driving this time was a lot easier and I felt a lot more relaxed. I stopped in Selkirk and went to the dollar store out there and got a few things.







Can you believe I only paid $5.00 each for these vases? Great buy.

Then came home after checking my mail. Got home at 4:10 and took about an hour to unload the car. I was so tired and tried to have a nap but I guess I was still to wound up and couldn’t sleep so I ended up getting up. My house is a disaster right now as I haven’t put anything away yet. Was way too tired. Just sat and watched t.v. for the evening and then went to bed.

I feel like I was gone about a month. Whenever I go to the city the time seems to stretch and stretch. Well, think about it. Out here I may go shopping once a month or visit once in awhile with my daughter and her husband and yet in the city I am doing a multitude of things each day. So each event seems like a whole day or week. So when I get back here I am really worn out from fitting in so many things in such a short while. It is nice to get back to the slow way of life. People in the city are on the go steady steady. Country living is more for me especially now that I am getting so "OLD". Hee Hee.

Now I have to tell you about my little grandson. He was just starting to crawl when I left. Mostly he rolls around the house. He does the cutest little scrunchy face and had me laughing so much my cheeks hurt. He scrunches up his face on demand and looks so mean but it is so very cute on him. He also claps his hands in the cutest way. I love him to pieces. You should see him jump in his jolly jumper. If he knows you are watching him he even does it higher and higher. He is a little ham and loves attention. He did not hold a grudge against me for dropping him - he still loves his grandma. Hee Hee. I am so very very blessed to have two of the cutest grandsons in the whole world. I cannot believe how fortunate I am.

So now you know what I have been up to in the last little while. Now it will be time to clean house and get some spring cleaning done.

Hope you have a great day.