Today I'd like to talk on being the first born. The Title of my blog is 1 of 6 because I was the first born of six girls to one family.
Firsts are always exciting. Like your first date, first kiss, first car, first home, etc. So you grow up thinking, wow, I am first, I must be special. This is further enhanced through out your early life. Whenever there was an extra job to do, you were asked to do it because "You are older." When there was a debate over that extra candy, you were told to give it to the younger child, why? Because "You are older." You grow up thinking "Hey, there must be some payoffs someday, - because - you are older. - otherwise, what is all the fuss about?
The babies come and you have to help with them because you are older. Changing diapers, feeding, babysitting, all in the name of being older. You feel like their second mom cause you spend so much time caring and loving them. They grow up and still you are a part of their lives. You help them with school work, you counsel them on boyfriends, you try to help them with the little knowledge you've learned along the way, all because you love them and they are so much a part of your life - and - you are the oldest. They end up having kids of their own and you help them with those kids as well. Their kids end up feeling like your grand kids as you have invested so much time in their lives.
But somewhere in all of this, reality hits. You are NOT their mom, you are NOT their grandmother, you are nothing more than a SISTER. You are no better or worse than any of the other five sisters. Yet for some strange reasoning, I feel cheated. Why?
Do you think that any of the others in line has put any emphasis on their placement in the family? The answer is I don't think so. So why does this older child do it? Maybe it is just me. I'd really like to know how others feel about this.
Believe me, I am not an attention seeking person. It is not that I want special attention or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I like hiding in the background and not being noticed. I have had a very close relationship with each of my sisters at some time or other. We have been best friends more than sisters. Yet, in the whole scheme of things, I feel cheated somehow. I feel like I've had my birthright stolen from me. I did not give it up, it was stolen and I don't know by who or how. It is just a feeling that doesn't want to go away. It is so weird.
In the bible, being first born was a badge of honour. The male who opened the matrix had the honour. Well I am female - maybe that has something to do with it. What is it that I expect from being first born? Nothing really that I can put my finger on. Do I want special recognition? - no. Do I want money? - no - not anymore than anyone else anyway. Do I want something special to happen? - no. I guess what I want most is someone else to say they feel the same way and I am not crazy for feeling this way. To know that it is a common feeling among oldest born children.
Another thing about being first born that I have noticed through out my years. It seems a common thing that the oldest born of the family ends up marrying the youngest born (or near youngest) of another family. Wonder why that is? My dad (oldest born boy) married my mother (youngest born girl). My husband is the baby of his family while I am the oldest of mine. Many many people I have met over the years tell me the same thing.
All comments will be welcomed. Please let me know that I am not alone in feeling as I do.
Popping in to Say Hello
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The post Popping in to Say Hello appeared first on Time-Warp Wife.
4 weeks ago
5 comments:
I see it like this. One day I realize that I have an extra mom or two, and God knows I needed that some days. But then they have a baby or two and once again, I am just a sister.
Years go by and my kids have an extra grandma or two, God knows they've needed that some days. But then they have grandchildren of their own and once again they are just neices and nephews.
You are more than just a sister, you've always been my second mom and my kids second grandma. Although, some days, I could just kick your @ss for living at the Beach, or I'd be getting the free babysitting that all the other grannies are giving!
Steph
My point exactly. Why did you feel you had to escape the shadow of your older sibling. They didn't ask to be first.
I don't think the grass is any greener on your side. It is a mystery to me.
Darlene
As for kicking my @ss - go ahead and do it. OO
I shouldn't even have written this blog in the first place. Too hard to explain.
Thanks for thinking of me as you do.
As you can tell by the other comments no one is really happy with their "birth order" - go figure.
As 4 of 6 I often had a true identity crisis. I have often described myself as the youngest of the oldest, the oldest of the youngest and often an only child!
I too experience many of the same things you did being the "oldest", but throw in the bizzare mix that well since I was "older" why couldn't I do what 4,5 & 6 did?
Good Blog and thanks for adding in anonymous comments
4 of 6
Hi Tink. It must have been hard to post that last post? I sensed your frustration, vulnerability. I know it probably doesn't help but you're the best of the best friends I have ever had. Have I ever had a friend like you? NO. Thanks for the privilge!
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