A woman named Gina wrote an article (Chats with an Old Lady) that inspired me to share this story of what happened to me. Her article was titled ‘I am NOT a Grace filled Woman’. Her link is in my sidebar.
Recently I went through a spiritual battle. Out of the blue, the enemy of my soul came at me firing both barrels at once. I wasn’t prepared for an attack and he hit me full force.
"How do your really know you are saved? You've just been fooling yourself. Jesus said that in the last days many would come to him and claim they did all kinds of things for him, and yet, he will tell them he never really knew them. How do you know you are not one of them? Those people believed they were saved just like you do but they were wrong. Your heart is more deceitful above everything. The Bible says so.
How can you be saved when you have such terrible thoughts about others? You are always getting angry with others and you fuss and fume inside. That's not love. How can God love you when you don't love your neighbour as yourself? How could God love you when you don't love those around you? Don't you know that the Bible says that if you don't love your neighbour who you do see, then you can’t love God who you don’t see?”
On and on he went and I listened to every word and agreed with everything he said. When he was finished his tirade I took over for him and began to accuse myself of every rotten thing I had ever done or ever do. It was all true. I am a horrible person. I was crumbling under the accusations. I felt helpless and hopeless. I was fooling myself. My life was all a lie. I had thoughts of ending it all yet I knew that either way I would end up in hell. What could I do? How could I be saved? I knew I could never live up to what I thought God wanted of me?
With uncontrollable sobs I cried out, “Oh God, Please, Please help me, I don’t know what to do. If I have been deceiving myself, please forgive me. Help me to be the person you want me to be. Please have pity on me because I can’t do this. I really am a bad person and I need you to fix me. I can’t do this on my own.”
As my tears were subsiding I began to hear that wee small voice of my master reminding me of what Christ’s coming was all about.
Grace!
God’s Grace!
God’s perfect Grace for a sinner such as I.
That was the whole reason He came and died in the first place. None of us are perfect and we never will be. That’s why we need a Saviour. If we were perfect, He wouldn't have had to take our place. No matter what we do we will never measure up to God’s standard of Holiness.
Eph 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
Eph 2:9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
The enemy is real. He is very subtle. He knows our weak spots and he hits us when we are down. He is cunning and relentless. When we think we can stand on our own, that's when we become an easy target. I've been a Christian for nearly 33 years and I thought I was standing but that's where I was deceiving myself. We can never do it on our own. We need His help daily - moment by moment. It is only in His strength that we are able to fight and win the battles. I didn’t have my spiritual armour on and nearly lost that battle. God reached out and reminded me that it is only by His grace that I have been saved and nothing of myself.
Eph 6:11-18 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
I will end with this quote from Gina’s article.
“I am not a grace filled woman, but I serve a grace filled God and I desire that He work through me. If you see any evidence of grace in my life it is only because of Him. He gets the glory. And that is how it is meant to be.”
1 comment:
That's awesome. Do you ever notice too that when you read the Bible you start to see other people in it like, "So and so does that..." I used to, then I realized that it shows that we are ALL sinners in need of grace. Not just others, me too. It's when we see ourselves as sinful that we are able to see why God is the necessary key to salvation. The ONLY key.
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