TO ALL MY READERS

I haven't been blogging alot lately as I am not in a good state. The anniversary of my husbands death is looming on the horizon and I guess it is affecting me more than I thought it would. I have been a bit of a basket case lately. I am sorry to all of you who eagerly look to my blog for information or wonder what I have been up to.

Since my big trip to the city I haven't been doing much of anything. My daughter was away for two weeks and she is back now and that is good. I got to play with my grandson and that really made my day. When he is around I am happy.

But tonight I had a really hard time. I went over to visit my daughter as I really needed a good hug and she wasn't there. Then I came home and phoned my other daughter but she wasn't there either. I felt so very lost and alone. I wanted to call my friend Tilly but she has been through so much already and I felt I just couldn't unburden myself on her at this time. I ended up calling my mom.

Aren't moms the greatest? What would we do without them?

She listened and prayed for me on the phone and I felt alot better. I know God is with me and taking care of me. I guess this is something everyone goes through.

It is the anniversary of his death and it is weighing heavy on my soul. It seems I miss him now more than ever. I am so glad my friend Tilly is coming to spend some time with me next week. It will make the time better and help me to get over this.

The thoughts of living alone for the rest of my life scares me to pieces. I know I like living alone but thinking about it - is different for some reason right now. No one to share my feelings with. No one to share what I am thinking. Etc. I will not bore you with all the details, I am sure you can imagine them yourselves.

I will go on. I must. But I am not the strong person everyone thinks that I am. I am a weak feeble woman who needs a helping hand every once in awhile. I know that sounds lame but that is how I feel right now. Everyone seems to look to me for stenght but it seems I have run out of strength right now. I can't seem to do the simplest things. Even housework seems to overwhelm me. I guess this is all part of the grieving process and I haven't really shared alot of that with any of you. Well, now, I think I must.

I will be o.k. I know this will pass. Jesus has helped me thus far and has not brought me thus far to abandon me. I ask your prayers for this time in my life. I really feel so alone and lost and confused about my future. Thank you to all who pray.

I ask forgiveness for such a morose blog. That is how I am feeling right now so I thought I would share it. I love you all. God Bless and keep you in His gentle care.